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I still remember when I
accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I was only 19 years old.
I was so excited and felt like I could just fly away because all the weight
of my sins were taken off of me at that very moment.
It was like hiking for 19 years with a backpack full of rocks that weighed
100 lbs, then all of a sudden someone comes along and removes that backpack
and you feel all that weight being taken away that you had been carrying
around all those years.
For me, I was carrying the weight of my sins around for 19 years, day after
day adding to that weight as I continued in my sins. I always wanted that
weight taken away but never knew how to get rid of it. Until one day when my
dad and the pastor of the church my dad went to called me into his office.
You see, my dad was an alcoholic, and on his third marriage. He was a woman
chaser and an alcoholic and into pornography. I was raised to use women,
drink, cuss and party even as a young teenager. Not that my dad told me to do
these things, but he would sometimes included my sisters and me in his
parties. Allowing us to drink and as I think about it encouraged me to chase
after young girls. My dad was the one who taught me how to dance and he also
taught me to go to bars and clubs by his lifestyle and even dragging me into
them sometimes as a very young teenager.
Then one day he came back to the Lord, Who he had accepted as a young boy.
It was truly a miracle for my dad to stop drinking. This same man who would
call his scotch in the morning his "Instant Breakfast" was now a
new man who went to church, and I still remember him sitting in the kitchen
in the mornings, drinking his coffee and reading the bible.
I watched him for months. Soon my dad became the grounds keeper of the
church, and here it was a Saturday, I was with him and he was mowing the lawn
at this small Baptist church.
Then it happened, he walked into the pastor's office and was there for a few
minutes. Then he came out and asked if I wanted to join him talking to the
pastor.
I said, "Sure" and off we went. Soon the three of us where sitting
there as the pastor started to share Jesus with me, and how Jesus had died
for my sins.
Then the question came. "Do you want to accept Jesus as your Lord and
Savior?"
Now I had been to church off and on over the years with my family. Maybe a
few times a year, or my parents would try to get me into some type of youth
group, which never lasted very long.
I had heard the message of salvation over the years and had heard the
invitations in church. I always wanted to go forward but never did. I would
even pray the prayer when the pastor did but never told anyone.
I would go home and vow to start reading my bible. I would start in Genesis
and end in Genesis as I only got into a few chapters until I started to read
about the begats (You know,
Abraham begat Isaac and so on).
But now I had been confronted face to face for the first time. I had seen the
change in my dad and knew that I also wanted a change in my life.
So, I said yes. The pastor and my dad lead me into the sinners
prayer as I confessed my sins to the Lord and asked for His forgiveness using
my own words and speaking from my heart to the Lord.
I was so excited, and then it happened later that day.
Over the next few nights as I went to work (I worked the swing shift), I
would share my new life in Jesus Christ with others. You see, I used to have
the foulest mouth on earth. I would make sailors blush with my language. They
knew me as this young kid with a foul mouth who liked to party. But I was now
a new person, totally changed. No more cursing, because this was taken away
immediately. No more partying and taking part in their sick dirty jokes.
Then I was asked my first theological question.
Now I was big time into reading the bible. Every chance I got I would read my
bible. But I wasn't ready for this question.
What was it?
It was, "How do you know that this Jesus is real. After all, wasn't
it your parents who first told you about Him?"
"Well of course they did," I would say.
"Well didn't they also tell you about Santa Claus and the Easter
Bunny?" They would say.
"Yea, but this was different?"
But they wouldn't buy it.
Then the question we all hear. "How do you know the bible is real and
not some stories that men made up?"
Good question, and all I could say as a less then a week old little Christian
was, "Because I know it's true and it's God's word"
This they also didn't buy as I was almost in tears, because I knew Jesus was
real and so was God's word. But I couldn't explain this to them to make them
understand.
Sad to say but no one accepted Jesus Christ, at least not while I was there.
For the next two years they would watch me, this young kid on fire for the
Lord start to fade back into my old lifestyle and there was this woman there
that I had to have, even though I was married. I pursued after her, but
nothing ever happened between us. Eventually when I turned 21, I did leave my
wife, and baby boy, and her two kids that she had from a previous marriage,
and went back into partying, big time, once again chasing after women. A
young 21 year old now trying to sow his wild oats as the world would put it.
Years later I would remarry a woman I picked up in a nightclub. I tried to
get back with the Lord. We went to church, had home bible studies with my
sisters and their families and our friends from church. We lived in LA at the
time and moved to Santa Barbara. But soon after we moved here, my wife would
leave the house at night after I went to bed and not get home until 5:00 in
the morning. This started to happen all the time. We eventually divorced as I
found out that she had turned into a lesbian.
Once again I turned my back on the Lord.
I ended up out in the party scene again, Praise be
to God I never became an alcoholic but I did drink. I went out basically to
dance, which I loved to do, and pick up on women.
I eventually meet a woman and we lived together for a few years. (Don't
worry; the good part is coming up!)
Now you have to understand that this woman was gorgeous. Any man would want
her. If you ever seen Sada, the singer, she could
have been her twin, and she was just as sexy, couldn't really sing, but her
speaking voice was sexier then Sada's.
But I knew that something was missing from my life, and I knew that something
was Jesus, but could not bring myself around to admit it at the time.
Then one day as I was listening to the radio, a song came on by DC Talk. Now
this was secular radio, but the song was different. I couldn't explain it at
the time, but just the way the song was, what it was about, and the calmness
I felt whenever I heard it, made me wonder if these guys where Christians.
They didn't say Jesus or God in the song, but something was different about
them. So I went out and bought the CD, and as I listened to the rest of the
CD it was very clear that they were Christians. (With a song like "Jesus
Freak" how could you miss that.)
This was the start of a real change in my life. As I listened to the words of
some of the songs I knew I was playing in the dirt of a pigpen and it was
time to get out.
I knew that I had walked away from the Lord to many times and I was playing
with fire and about to be burned to a crisp if I didn't truly repent and
change my ways.
For the first time in over thirty-five years I knew what it meant to give my
life to Jesus. You see I had prayed the prayer and tried on my own strength
to follow Jesus, but I also held onto things I never should have.
So over ten years ago I vowed to give Jesus my life, because He gave His for
me. I handed everything over to Jesus, including this woman I was living
with.
I tried to explain it to her and told her that I had to move out because we
where living in sin against God's will.
She said in so many words that I had a choice, either the Lord or her.
I hope she's doing ok
: ~ )
I got my own place and was in love with the Lord. Sure I had been on fire in
the past, but for the first time, I was in love with Jesus.
I spent hours reading the bible. I would play worship songs on my keyboard
and sing out to the Lord. No one else was around, but then it didn't matter,
because I was doing it all for the Lord anyway, not to entertain a crowd.
When I wasn't reading or playing worship music I would listen to teaching. I
hardly ever watched TV anymore, usually just to watch the news.
Honestly a lot of things happened to me that first year. A lot of trials and
temptations. A lot of tears as I would cry out to the Lord for help.
I suppose I could spend a whole day just telling you about that first year.
(Maybe some other time.)
Then I met a Christian woman at church and we were married for over five
years and had two children. Our first was a miracle, because she wasn't
supposed to have any children because of some operations she had, but the
Lord blessed us, and after three years of being married we had our daughter,
then two years later we had a son.
Things were good, so I thought.
I was teaching a home group and playing on the worship team for three years.
Then we moved and things just started to get worse. We never argued be we had
grown apart. We tried counseling with some very good friends of ours that was
an older couple in the church. I stopped teaching the home group because we
moved and no longer on a worship team, but still studied and taught here
online. Things got worse for us financially and I took on a second job, yet
continued to teach and spend time with my family. Soon she was pregnant with
out third child and about half way through the pregnancy, she decided she did
not want to be married anymore, and that she was going to move 500 miles
away, because her family was there.
I agreed to let her, because I figured she just needed to time reflect and
think. But two days after she got there, her sister emailed me and said to
close out all the account, take her (My ex wife's) name off of everything and
she was not coming back. I was crushed and at that point I had to stop
teaching the bible. When I finally had to tell people at work, they cried,
and these were non Christians mind you.
So was I happy with all of this? Honestly …….. No! I couldn't understand how
God could do this to me or allow it to happen after all I was doing for Him.
If any of you can not understand this, I will not apologize to you, because I
am only human and with no real Christian counsel around me, I am lucky to
even be alive right now. But more blessed to STILL be a Christian!!!
This was four years ago (Nov/2004), and during that time I did make some
stupid mistakes and had a bad relationship with a women and a wrong one with
another one. Wrong because she was not a Christian and it drug
me down. But first of this year (Jan/2008) I stopped it.
So now what? Well, I tried to date and even tried several online dating
services, including a few Christian ones, but the Lord closed every door.
So now I am spending time in worship, writing and recording worship songs.
Right now it is literally the Lord and me. No one else, nights, weekends,
just Him and me.
Sounds pretty sad, doesn't it? Honestly, it's worse then it sounds (I am not
going to sugarcoat the truth). But through all of this, even though sometimes
it doesn't feel like it. The Lord is with me ALL THE TIME.
Even musically things are not happening like I would want them to, but you
know what? It's really all for Him and His pleasure, not for me to be a big
rock star.
I am also feeling a certain tug to start writing and teaching the bible
again. For three years I would update the daily devotionals with old ones (I
have over 700 to choose from), but the last few months, a lot of them I have
written just recently. It's so good to feel the Spirit teaching through me
again.
But in spite of all I had done in my past, I am blessed by the Lord to be
able to teach God's word on the Internet for almost 10 years now, and praise
be to God it's growing with more and more people learning and studying God's
word here.
Only God could take someone like me, and the past that I have had, and still
forgive me and use me.
But then God can, and will do the same with you, if you only allow Him to and
just fall in love with Jesus.
So now you have read my story, but what about yours?
Have you been blind all these years to the truth of God's word?
Maybe you say no, and that you have everything figured out.
The problem in your figuring is that you don't include God or Jesus in your
plans. Sure you have heard about them and even think about them once in a
while (Christmas and Easter and when someone dies). But the truth is you
don't think you need Jesus and you will make it just fine without Him.
You see your future as something bright and good because you work hard, or
you are well educated, have plans to marry or maybe you are married with a
great spouse and kids. So why would you need this Jesus you may think and I'm
not blind because I see a bright future for my family and myself.
The problem is that you are basing everything upon your own standards. You
have decided what is right and what is wrong. Whereas others may have a
different opinion.
So who is right, you are them?
Of course we all think we are right and everyone else is wrong. If they would
only think like I do then everything would be ok.
If the world would think like you do then everyone would end up in hell!
God makes it very clear that we are all sinners. No one has the right way.
Only God's way is the right way and if you go against just one of God's ways
then you are wrong.
You think you will get to heaven by your own merit and standards, but God has
higher standards then you could imagine. He also knows that we cannot fit up
to those standards, and that's why He sent His Son Jesus to pay the price for
us all. God would now see us as perfect through what Jesus did on the cross.
But first you must accept God's way and that Jesus is the only way to heaven.
Sure things may look good right now, but what about when you die? What about
when your children die, where do you really want them to go, heaven or hell?
I followed after my dad's example and was headed for hell and he was leading
me all the way, until he took a U turn and started to head for heaven. Praise
be to God that I choose to follow that way also and
I am also heading for heaven.
Right now at this very moment, my dad is in heaven with Jesus. In spite of
what he did in his past and how he taught us all those wrong things. He
changed and gave his heart to Jesus and Jesus cleansed him of all the wrong
he ever did and that's why he is with Jesus right now.
Someday I will also be with Jesus and my dad in heaven, because I accepted
Jesus as my Lord and Savior and I know without a doubt that Jesus died for
all of my sins, all my mess-ups and all my stupidity. One day I will be able
to stand before the thrown of God not because of what I did, but because of
what Jesus did on the cross for me and you too!
Sure you could try to stand there telling God how right your ways were, but
God would only ask you one simple question. What did you do with my Son
Jesus?
Your answer would be that you rejected Him.
· Matt 7:23 "And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you;
depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!'
· Matt 10:32-33 32
"Therefore whoever confesses Me
before men, him I will also confess before My Father who is in heaven. 33
"But whoever denies Me before men,
him I will also deny before My Father who is in heaven.
You can make up all the excuses you want right now, but when you are standing
before God, you will have no excuse. You will know that you where wrong and
God is right.
Right now Jesus says to you who think that you are right and you have the
right answers.
· John 9:39-41 39
And Jesus said, "For judgment I
have come into this world, that those who do not see may see, and that those
who see may be made blind." 40 Then some of the Pharisees who
were with Him heard these words, and said to Him, "Are we blind
also?" 41 Jesus said to them, "If
you were blind, you would have no sin; but now you say, 'We see.' Therefore
your sin remains.
As I was asked face to face if I wanted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I now
ask you face to face, even though we can't see or hear each other. God sees
you and will hear you if you say yes. He will also hear you if you say no.
When you die and you are facing God, which will God remember you saying, as
right now as God is offering you forgiveness and eternal life through His Son
Jesus; Yes or No?
Maybe right now you are going through, or have gone through some tough times,
maybe even worse then some of the things I just told you about me. Please
take it first hand from someone who has lived it and experienced rejection
and loneliness first hand. From someone who lost all hope except for one
little flicker of light, and that light as I turned and looked at it turned
out to be, not a little flicker but brighter then the sun, because you see my
friend, this light that shines and gives me hope, even now as I write this is
JESUS CHRIST THE SON OF GOD!!!
He has never left me nor forsaken me, I have turned my back on Him, but when
I turned back around, there He was, waiting for me.
If you will just turn around, you to will see that He is right there waiting
for you to.
He loves you with a love I can not explain, nor fully understand, how He
could love me even when I got angry with Him, and He still loves you no
matter what you have done and no matter what you have said to Him.
The Lord gave me a song and part of the chorus goes like this, "I
love You so much, but not as much as You love
me!"
I pray that many will read this and see the Love of Jesus and how forgiving
and loving God really is. How God will forgive anyone just as He has forgiven
me.
The purpose has not been to bring glory to my past nor myself, because I have
no boasting in the things I have done. Rather my boast is in Jesus Christ who
knew 2000 years ago what I would do, but was still willing to go to the cross
for me.
He also knew what you would do, but still He was willing to go to the cross
for you too.
This was written on 13/AUG/08, and I will continue to update as the Lord
works in my life. But I would love to hear how He is working in your life to,
so feel free to email me and let me know.
May God richly bless you in His love, grace and mercy and may you tell others
of the wonderful things He has done for you too!
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